catching up

1)    coop had checked out grumpy monkey oh, no christmas from his school library. we had read it and this page resonated with me. "he noticed how pretty the raindrops looked on the leaves", "taking time to notice the good things can make your problems seem smaller". 
2)   this billboard: "be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, valued and loved" i try to model to coop everyday that every human deserves respect no matter their title, job or status.
3)    verbatim books in san diego looks like such a magical bookstore. will definitely need to try to visit this place during one of our trips. 
4)    i follow ksby news because of jakeycakes. after all the intense weather events, this picture of a double rainbow was posted.
5)    my obsession with cute panda pics (especially with them eating food), has continued into the next decade.
6)    coop took a sick day a few weeks ago - lethargic and slight fever. so we walked around the neighborhood leaving encouraging notes for our neighbors.
7)    i stumbled upon this cartoonist, liz climo, and her adorable drawings of animals with hilarious captions. 
8)    as i mentioned, coop was a bit under the weather. that night, coop and ry were cuddled on the couch watching sports. i love how affectionate and loving ry is with his son.
9)    thanks to cindy and jonathan's hulu account, i was able to binge "only murders in the building". it is such an adorable show with an unlikely trio of comedians that is the perfect combination of success. they started filming season 3 - i can not wait!
10)    i'm learning that fine balance. to stay on top of things, and if i fall behind, it's ok. i can continue when i'm ready and it will all be ok. 

that three day weekend feeling

1)    for the most part, it's been a gloomy 3-day weekend. but there have been patches of sunlight and breaks of rain, so we took advantage of that and grabbed a basketball to head over to the middle school. surprisingly, ry came and joined us too! so we shot around the basketball for some 2 on 1 and a game of horse, got our endorphins going and got muddy and dirty while doing it!
2)    i couldn't tell you when i captured this quote. but i'm trying every day to live up to it. making space and time to breathe and refuel has has been the difference in taking care of myself, and therefore taking better care of my family.
3)    sam's family had invited us over for new year's eve during winter break but unfortunately had to cancel. we got a re-do this saturday and it was so much fun! coop spent 4 hours playing with his friends, while the grown-ups got to chat, snack on nachos and sip champagne! it was a fun night that nobody wanted to end!
4)    on my morning jog, i probably would have been able to count 10 things that made me smile! starting with taking a different route than my usual path, saying hello to strangers, the charming victorian houses with bay windows, an apartment building with bright orange doors. i jogged to the tune of ajr essentials.  i had only heard two songs before we went to the concert last july, but since then, we've all become superfans! so many of their songs are about mental wellness and healing, and some are just downright fun. there were so many times when i just wanted to break down dancing mid-run!
5)    last year, i aimed to run a 5k and 10k every month and did ok. i want to try to continue that, and every time i log in a run on strava, i feel accomplished.
6)    on saturday, coop felt the urge to play with his legos. he hasn't done that in months. it's one of the happy memories i have of his childhood because i love seeing his creativity and curiosity. this morning, he wanted to do a specific set - the spiderman far from home stark jet. all three of us spent hours taking pieces apart, collecting 500+ pieces hidden with the thousands we had in boxes. there were moments of frustration for sure, but once coop completed it, we were extremely satisfied!
7)    sunday night, ry popped open a bottle of red wine from the ancient peak vineyard in paso robles. it promtped me to send a text to my old friend and colleague rae-ann to see how she was handling the storms back home. good wine - great friend.
8)    ry made the best steak last night accompanied with the most tasty roasted potatoes and braised asparagus! it was delicious-ness in every bite!
9)    i wrapped up my first week of my mindfulness program. it felt really good to be able to stick to all the activities, especially on days when i felt like i couldn't fit in it. i am hopeful about the rest of the program, and am looking forward to applying what i have learned when i need it the most.
10)    i know we all just reset to our routines last week after the holidays, but having this 3 day weekend to look forward to and recharge was a warm welcome, especially during these storms. happy mlk jr day!

rain or shine

 

1)    my sweet goddaughter, peyton, turned 15 today! i am still in disbelief that she is indeed 15. the last time i saw her, i was pleasantly surprised with how open she was in sharing what's been going on her life at school and with her dance team. she posted this pic which is adorable with the handwritten notes from her mum and dad.
2)    since starting the science assistant position at hacienda, i don't think i've ever had so many donuts in the workplace! on my way back from the front office, arul from the hi-5 program came with a cart full of donuts, coffee and handed me a $50 amazon gift card as a thank you! it was completely unexpected and an absolutely generous and thoughtful gesture. i love this job so much!
3)    i'm repeating week 1 of my mindfulness program, and have been much more dedicated this time around. one of the areas of focus is "habit releaser". i am much more mindful of my routes during my walks. a street that i normally wouldn't continue walking south on, i did partially because this dome shaped building caught my eye. i am also being more conscious about keeping my head and eyes up when i walk past strangers and will occasionally make eye contact, smile and even say hello. definitely things that aren't habitual during my walks!
4)    towards the end of my walk, i had been reminded about acquaintances of mine who are currently dealing with an ailing parent, or one who had recently passed away. i immediately knew i needed to call home. i was able to catch up with mom who hasn't been feeling well since returning from the philippines during the new year. i will also be grateful for the fact that i can pick up the phone and call either of them - a blessing that i need to cherish for as long as i have it.
5)    shortly before pickup, dana texted me and leanna saying she was stuck in traffic and would be late picking up the kiddos. with coop skipping out on golf due to the rain, it was my absolute pleasure to help out. i love that our hawk tribe can all rely on each other. our children and our mama souls are in good hands!
6)    at drop off today, i was pleased to see the class put together a poster to celebrate dr. martin luther king jr. on the way to school, i was going to ask coop what they had learned about him, and reminding him of why it is important to honor his legacy with the upcoming holiday this weekend. 
7)    on the way home, the cure's "it's friday i'm in love" came on and i blasted it and sang my lungs out. sooooo good! 
8)    my nephew jacob moved to central california last spring. he landed a job with ksby news has excelled in his career rapidly! it has been incredible watching his news reports, anchoring the sports edition on the evening news and most recently his news report in santa barbara covering the recent weather events was televised on nbc san diego news! how rad is that?!?! this evening he covered governor gavin newsom's visit to santa barbara county addressing the montecito floods. his delivery is so pro - calm, collected and informative. 
9)     around 5pm, i got a call from cindy. usually if i'm doing an activity with coop, i'll let it go to voicemail but for some reason i said "i gotta take this call". and i'm thankful that i did. she did not sound well at all, and it absolutely terrified me. my sister gives like no one. she thinks highly of the ones she loves, and has neglected to project that same care to herself. we talked for 2 uninterrupted hours and it was so good for the both of us. we all have things we're working on and during dark times, it may seem like we're the only ones who struggle with things. but that isn't true. some are simply better at hiding it than others which does not benefit anyone. next weekend, i will be flying home on my own and cindy had invited me to sleep over at her place which i am eagerly looking forward to. 
10)    i went for a jog around lunch time today expecting just a drizzle and the light rain to stop within the first few minutes. boy was i wrong! it was a mixture of a downpour, drizzle, wind, and patches of sunlight. it was cleansing, invigorating and fun! i took a ton of selfies to capture the moment of playing in the rain for an hour! 

mindfulness - the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something

 

1)    i started working in the science office at cooper's school last september. i absolutely love it! it is such a fun job and you never know what you'll be doing next! this morning i was tasked to juice red cabbage for a 5th grade chemistry lesson. it was messy and smelly, but the vibrant sight of deep purple and violets was quite beautiful!
2)    i've been proud of myself for setting aside time to meditate. usually on wednesdays, i'm rushing out of the science off to drive up to san carlos for my other job and have no time to stop for anything. but yesterday, i sat in my car, turned on my meditation track and spent 8 minutes focusing on my breathing. it always feels so good after, and that has for sure been the payoff to continue.
3)    i like predictability, i like routine. especially when it comes to my job at lyon learning center. but i knew a few hours prior that i would be working with max that day. he started off as this anxious child full of nervous tics and how can my heart not swell in seeing my own little boy before my eyes? but he was a different child this time. grown - both physically and emotionally. he was confident, intentional, focused, and absolutely driven. i wanted to hug him every second of our session because i was so proud of him!
4)    during the pandemic, i was in search of comic relief. one of the things i stumbled on was the podcast "smartless" with jason bateman, sean hayes, and will arnett. listening to it will always make me smile or chuckle. the episode i listened to on the way to san carlos was john krasinski from "the office". it was as if i was sitting with them reliving some funny memories.
5)    wednesdays are my "crazy days". coop started band in the fall and we need to be at school 45 minutes earlier for his classes. we are good about attending consistently and on time but it is always a mad rush getting out the door and getting into the multi-purpose room. and with the downpour of rain this week, i anticipated a more difficult feat. coop climbed into bed with me around 6:20am saying he was scared. so he lied with me and i can tell from the restlessness of his body that he was nowhere close to falling back asleep. ordinarily i would internalize all my anxiety that he would be tired, or fall back to sleep too late, we'll be missing band, blah blah blah...just typing it gets me exhausted. but i lie restful next to him, knowing that it doesn't matter. that it it not worth it. and went back to by breath to anchor my thoughts and focus on what did matter. so he went back to sleep and i awoke to pop the chocolate croissants in the oven. and when he woke in a panic at 7:40, i was cool as a cucumber and hopefully transferred some of that energy to him. we were late, yes, but in the grand scheme of things, it didn't matter.
6)    at the beginning of the year, my nephew dj moved out to new york city!!! every time i think about it, there's an electricity that seems to go through me. when i was texting him when he landed last week, i had goosebumps! in fact this has prompted me to text him again because i haven't checked in with him last week. but being in your early 20s, persuing your dreams, packing up your bags to move across the country in hopes of landing the career of your dreams...what an incredible chapter of his life! and i am extremely proud of what he has already accomplished.
7)    i finished the book i was reading! it was an emotional ending, maybe for a completely separate reason than the story itself. but i'm proud of myself for completing it. i've got my next book already lined up - "anxious people" by fredrik backman.
8)    and another book to read in supplement to the above novel and my mindfulness workbook, was loaned to me by my dear friend leanna. simple abundance: a daybook of comfort and joy written by sarah ban breathnach. i thumbed through the first few pages and a quote that has been resonating with me for the past few weeks was "you only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough". the fact that we have this one life to live has been a powerful statement for me.
9)    after my evening mediation session, i got to indulge in some comic relief. i started watching "hacks" on hbomax over winter break. it takes place in las vegas so as much as i say i'm done visiting that city, watching scenes from the strip and the casinos creates an energy as well. it's been funny, heavy moments at times but gets my mind off things right before heading to bed. 
10)    both my boys had a stressful afternoon. ry took coop to his dental consultation which sounded overwhelming, unpleasant and scary. i could tell when i got home that they weren't in a good place. i could have easily joined their company in that regard but i had to remember to "turn back to my breath", ground myself, recognize my thoughts, and focus on breathing with clarity. it really did help. maybe i'm getting closer to reaping the benefits of mindfulness.

Back to School

1)    today was the first day of school after winter break. i realized over the weekend that i was internalizing the angst i would feel when i was a child about returning to school, and thought that cooper was experiencing the same thing. i don't think he was, which was a relief for me. after a restful 11 hours of sleep, he awoke with a huge smile partially because he is allowed 20 minutes or so on his iPad every monday once he is all ready for school. and thanks to cindy's awesome christmas present - the hum electric toothbrush - brushing his teeth is so much fun!

2)    this sloth with her babies?!??! there are no words to describe this cuteness!

3)    i came home after working in the science office, put on my walking shoes and hit the pavement. to my pleasant surprise, i saw ry on the opposite side of the school crosswalk and we jogged a bit around the perimeter together. then i tackled my 3 miles and came across one of my favorite houses in our neighborhood that always goes all out for each holiday. i walked past their 2023 decorations, smiled, then walked back to snap a shot. 

4)    there was a bit of a break in the rain this morning so i went out to the odc. it wasn't a surprise that there was flooding and debris everywhere. i was taking out as much of the leaves and branches that i could while i was out there and noticed how quiet and still the school felt since everyone was in for rainy day recess. then suddenly a single mallard quietly flew into the upper pond. it was nice to have the company. 

5)    damar hamlin is on his way to recovering. after 9 minutes of cpr. after his heart stopping on the field. his post, his words are remarkable. there aren't too many things in this world that unites so many people. the only silver lining of his accident is the fact that people had the ability to put their disagreements to the side, and offer prayers and positive thoughts so damar could pull through. keep them coming.

6)    with being more conscious about what we eat in terms of sugar content, i busted out my juicer so coop and i could make some fresh pressed juice. we had some grapes that were losing its crunch, some apples that were leftover from ry's pie, and a nearly full bag of carrots in the fridge. coop thought about adding some lime too which was the perfect touch! i always love the colors of the leftover pulp in the juicer, especially the layered effect. 

7)    another rainy day and this time, we needed to be somewhere. during weather like this, i appreciate the option of having a safe vehicle to drive in. we hopped in the highlander this morning and safely made it to school.

8)    as i mentioned, it was our first day back at school. i was happy that coop got to be with his friends again, and also realized, i was happy to be among my friends too! it was good to catch up with dana, anthony and kim this morning. my village, my tribe. 

9)    saturday, after my session with miranda, it was clear that i needed to prioritize my self-care. and that always starts with exercise - mainly getting outside. so i went for a walk challenging myself to be aware of my habits and switch up the routine. so i went on the west side of first street where the most charming houses can be found! it's hard not to walk around those streets without a smile. and even more delightful, most of the houses still had all of their christmas decorations still up and lights were turned on! at 11am! it was a great walk! 

10)    going back to school after breaks, and even just after the weekend, was always such a difficult transition for me. i remember it gnawing at me the entire weekend, and the feeling in my stomach that i would get in anticipation of returning to school. i don't really know why, and have been trying very hard to figure all of that out. but i am dedicated in putting in the work because this is the only life we get, and i need to - for my sake and my family's sake - live it the best way that i can. 

New Year, Old Hobbies

1) it's been a minute but hopefully i can pick up right where i left off, much like my friendship with my oldest friend, marianne. this past winter break was filled with disappointment after disappointment. there were some dark moments but now i'm starting to see how i can benefit from those experiences. mare called me and when i saw the incoming call on my phone, i figured it was a butt dial. even when i saw her voicemail, i figured it would be background noise. but it wasn't. it was one of her heartfelt, genuine, warm messages letting me know she's thinking of me and misses me. and it could not have come at a better time. 

 2) since thanksgiving, our mornings had started off with "christmas essentials" on apple music. since taking down all our holiday decorations, my mornings in the kitchen are silent, lifeless. i should have figured out sooner that music gets me out of my funks. so who else to turn to but bob marley's legend?! and after singing along to "three little birds", well i challenge anyone to still be down after the words "cuz every little ting gonna be alright!" come out of their mouth. 

 3) after a level 5 storm, and many days of uncertainty, coop and i spent a few hours at happy hollow. i always wonder if our next trip to this beloved local park will be his last in that he has outgrown this place that he had spent so many of his toddler days at. but after our ump-teenth time in line for the rollercoaster and our mutual joy for riding it (and more so what it meant to me symbolically), i realized that all the adults on the ride looked so happy. every grown up was grinning ear to ear and taking that in filled me with a warmth that i desperately needed. 

 4) one of the biggest culprits contributing to my anxiety this past week has been the major dental work that coopy will need. but i have to be thankful for the incredible health and dental insurance that is available thanks to ry and his job. hopefully that feeling remains the same after consultation and estimates! 5) pre new-year and struggling with being limited with what we could do during break due to the weather and ry's foot, i took a day or two to just lie in bed under the covers watching reruns of "the office". and although i discovered today during my therapy session that watching reruns is a way of coping with anxiety (total mind-blown moment by the way which makes complete sense now in why i find so much comfort in it), i also enjoyed episodes from seasons that i've completely missed. jim better not cheat on pam! 

 6) yesterday was coops' first day back at golf lessons since winter break and there were some worries going in (from both him and i). but he had "the funnest golf class" yet! and i got to catch up with kim who gave me the reassurance that i needed going forward with cooper's dental treatment. this is a pic of her helping coop with bazooka ball at emy's birthday. she literally has his back every step of the way! i feel extremely grateful for her friendship.

 7) when we wrapped up coops' golf lesson, he was starving! ry mentioned that he put a grocery order in earlier that day for food for dinner. when we got home, he was already grilling up hotdogs and tater tots were baking in the oven! it was a great feeling knowing all of that was being taken care of. 

 8) i am trying to find my way back to...myself i guess. i am trying to find things that used to bring me joy. i can't even remember the last book i read, so i purchased "the dictionary of lost words" in december. it takes me some time to read (finding the time for one thing) but i'm about halfway through it and am really enjoying it, as well as getting some self-care time in. 

9) dana had called me a few days ago, and much like marianne's call, my initial thought was "butt-dial". but i picked up, and she answered. at first i couldn't figure out where the conversation was going. she and i talked at emy's party about her father having some issues with swelling in his legs. which led to why she was calling. turns out that her parents had booked a trip to disneyland this sunday and their reservation - to THE disneyland hotel - was transferrable BUT non-refundable. she knew that coop had wanted to go for his birthday so offered us the room from sunday through tuesday! i was floored with her generous offer! again, another valued friendship to be grateful for. 

 10) it's been over a decade since i've entered anything on this blog. i have moved, had a child, changed jobs, changed life directions and somehow lost myself along the way. i'm making my way back though, and remembered how much i liked reflecting on these journal entries and taking the time in my day to stop and realize all the happy thoughts that surround me - both big and small.